Missing Link

So, the main reason for this post is to update you all on our son's case, but so much more has happened since then that I'll start with all that. 

The baby girl we brought home stayed with us for six months and then she was placed with her maternal grandmother. She has the sweetest smile in the world and we miss her sweet face. We were hoping it would become an adoption case but it wasn't meant to be.

We took in a two year old girl for a few hours. Yes, a few hours. We had a newborn boy for 3 days. We also brought home a pair of siblings and they stayed here for 5 days. That's what we opened our license for and we love doing what we do.

Right now we have a two and a half year old girl who has been with us for a little over a month. She had a hard time adjusting but has really been getting more comfortable with us lately. She and Kennedy play a lot and share well for the most part. We aren't sure how long she'll be here but we are just trying to make sure she gets the love and care she needs until a permanent placement is decided upon. Last week we brought home a two week old little girl. She was born six weeks early and only weighs 4 and a half pounds. She's already eating more than when we brought her home.

Alright, on to our boy. On our last post, I told you that the judge had delayed reunification with bio mom for ten weeks. He did so because her court ordered therapist had recommended ten more weekly sessions because there were some major issues and she thought bio mom "wasn't ready to be a full time parent." So we went back to court ten weeks later and were told that bio mom hadn't even completed five of the ten sessions. So CPS did what any organization that protects kids would do. They decided to reunify anyway. As I'm sure you can imagine, we were heartbroken. We still are. Court was on a Thursday but they were nice enough to give us until Saturday evening to give him back. So I took the next couple days off and we spent that time as a family, having as much fun as possible, even through the tears.

That Saturday we had a going away party at Chuck E. Cheese. Family and friends came out to have a good final memory with our little buddy. When I say final memory, it's just in reference to him being with us on a day to day basis. We were sure bio mom would let us visit because she said she would. And she did. At first.

We were getting to visit with him pretty regularly but then it started to be every couple weeks. He was actually spending about five days and nights a week with his bio dad's cousin. Bio mom was getting her welfare check and that's all that mattered. He was able to be at Kennedy's birthday party in late August, which was awesome. Then we didn't see him for a couple weeks.

In mid September we arranged for him to come visit on a Friday and stay until Saturday evening. When he arrived at our house he had scrapes across his nose, bruises up and down his legs, his ear was red and looked swollen, he had a rash on his belly, and he had diaper rash so bad it was crusty and blistered. Ash put diaper cream on it and it immediately started getting better. These are all signs of neglect and/or abuse. As foster parents, we are mandated reporters so we called CPS to have them come out and take a look at the poor kid.

To be honest, even if we weren't mandated reporters, we would have called. Anyone with a conscience and a heart would have called. A couple bruises or scrapes are normal for a kid but this was excessive. CPS said there wasn't enough to take him but that they'd go talk to bio mom. Later that evening we got a text from bio dad's cousin stating that bio mom wanted buddy back immediately because we called CPS on her. We took him back with the thought that we'd probably never see him again. 

We continued to try to get visits with him but bio mom just kept saying no. She said "I don't need nobody calling CPS on me." She also told us it was our fault that we'd never see him again. If you're not doing anything wrong, why would you worry about CPS? 

When it became clear we wouldn't be getting any more visitation, Ash contacted a family law attorney to see if we had any options. Turns out we did. Since there was still a family court case for bio mom, we could file a joinder to become a part of the case and request visitation. All of the information we found and were given told us we had to file the joinder first. If that's approved we can file for court ordered visitation. So that's what we did. 

We filed the paperwork for the joinder on the grounds that buddy has an established bond with his sister, us, and our families. When we filed that paperwork they gave us a court date. It was today.

So we went to court today. It was presided over by a commissioner. Ash and I were there to represent ourselves. Bio mom was there with her program counselor, bio dad's cousin and bio dad's cousin's fiancé. We said our piece, bio mom objected to us being made part of the case. Her argument was that Buddy is doing good with her and that it's confusing to him because he calls us mom and dad and she's his mom. The commissioner sternly reminded her that it's his right to have a relationship with us and his sister. She asked her if there was any reason not to allow the joinder. Bio mom reiterated that he's good and it's confusing. She was told that that's not enough and asked again if there were any reasons not to allow it. She sighed and quietly said no. A defeated no. The commissioner granted our request!!! We won round one!!! The next step is to file a request for visitation. Which we will be doing this week! The only down side to today is that the commissioner told us we could have filed for both at the same time. So it'll take a little longer to get it done but it doesn't matter. We will not stop fighting to have this precious boy in his sister's life and in ours!

There you go. You're all caught up. Feel free to share, comment, post or tweet. If this can help other foster parents in similar situations, we're all for it! Until next time, be ever evolving.

Ever Evolving

Hey there! It's been a minute since our last post. Ok, maybe 5. Ashley and I decided we would open our home, and license, to include one more child. That way we could do short to long term fostering in cases where the courts are trying to get cases figured out. We did not do this with the sole intention to adopt, rather to help more children by having them in our loving, caring home as long as they need to be. Whether that's for a week, a month, a year or a lifetime.

Well, earlier this month we received a call about a little that needed a home. Last week we picked up a beautiful 2-week-old bundle of joy. And hair. Man, this kid has a lot of hair.

We have no idea what the outcome will be or how long she will be with us, but that doesn't matter. We are going to love her like we made her and give her the best life we can while she's here.

That's it for now. Thanks for being part of our Evolution.

Super Evolved

Things have been crazy around here the last several months and we haven't had the time or energy to write. For that, we apologize. We will make up for it now, with this super long post.

When we left off, we had told you that the date was set for our little girl's adoption. It went off without a hitch, mostly, and she has legally been our daughter since October 27th. I say mostly because she was crying when we tried to take pictures after the ceremony.

Everything has been great with her since day one. She is such an amazing little girl. She still makes me laugh every day and has a huge heart. She really is the sweetest little girl I've ever seen.

Her vocabulary continues to grow and, as it does, so does her desire to talk. So she does. Constantly. Seriously though, we love that she continues to absorb words and information. She is memorizing song lyrics from the radio now and will sing along from her car seat. We recently moved her to a big girl bed and she stays in bed every night. The only thing we are struggling with is potty training. If you want to follow her adorable journey through life, you can search #KJSharp on a variety of social media sites.

Now for our baby boy. I call him baby boy because he just turned one a couple months ago, but he's a hulk of a child.  He weighs a healthy 26 lbs and is almost as tall as his sister. His feet are wide so finding shoes is difficult and his head is almost big enough to wear my gigantic hats. Not really, but it is the 99th percentile. 

Like his sister, he is very smart and has an ever-expanding vocabulary. He is really a younger, male version of her. They can run around and play together all day. "Sissy" makes him food in her play kitchen then feeds it to him. They "tackle" each other and roll around on the floor laughing. Neither of them has an issue sharing toys, drinks or food with the other.

"Buddy" does have a medical issue though. It's nothing major and doesn't hurt him but it is a big nuisance. For all of us. I won't bore you with all the medical jargon but he basically has a group of blood vessels on his scalp that  will rupture and bleed profusely. We were finally able to get him in to see a dermatologist at UCSF this week and found out it has to be removed by a plastic surgeon. So now we just have to wait for them to call us and then we have to get a court order to have the procedure done. It's an outpatient procedure so no hospital stay will be required but since he's a foster child we still have to wait for the court order. The only things that bother little man are us cleaning him up and him having to wear band aids or dressing on his head.

As far as the status of his permanent placement goes, that's an even bigger mess. When we were asked if we would take him into our home, we immediately said yes. Bio mom was being offered reunification services and we took him in while she went to rehab and tried to get her life straight. With her track record, we didn't think she'd be able to stay clean. She has now been drug free for over a year and is really trying to get him back. While Ash and I are proud of her and her ability to stay clean for this long, she is really still not in a position, nor does she have any idea what it takes, to raise a child. 

We were told by the social worker that she is doing "enough" to get him back. She is living in a homeless shelter and is basically unemployable. That's "enough."

We went to court last week for what we expected to be the day they decided to reunify. However, we have learned that she was taking him around people he's not supposed to be around. The attorney for CPS has also learned of some issues she has and decisions she's made that he and the judge deemed serious enough to continue the case for ten more weeks. Unfortunately, since the case is open we can't go into too much detail, but we can tell you that we will do whatever we can to make sure that the outcome is in the best interest of this child. Sometimes it feels like we're the only ones looking out for him. We got into fostering to help children in any way we can. We will continue to do so. Even if that means fighting to get laws changed.

So the super update is done. Now you just have to wait a few months until the next post. Or a few minutes...

Date With Destiny

We have a date. A court date. I know that might sound like a bad thing, but it's really the greatest thing we can think of at the moment. 

On October 27th we will be going to court to finalize the adoption of our daughter! That's right! In one week, the wait will be over. It has been a long process, but every second has been well worth it. 

I know we have said it before, but Ash and I feel that these kids were meant to be ours. They both have amazing personalities that fit in perfectly with both sides of our family. 

We can't even begin to explain how happy we are to be raising these two wonderful children and with the new chapter beginning, we can't wait to see what's next in the Sharp Evolution!

Halfway Home

Well, it's a good thing we made a resolution to write more. Like all great resolutions, the intent was there, but time hasn't been. So here we go!

Our baby boy turned six months old a week ago. He's getting big really fast. He's only about 10 pounds lighter than our daughter, who will be two early next month. He is a very happy baby with a smile that will melt your heart. One of the greatest feelings in the world is coming home from work to three people that are genuinely excited to see me. The little guy's face lights up, our daughter screams "Daddy" at the top of her lungs and Ash is excited to have a tag team partner in what was previously a handicap match.

We recently received some fantastic news from our daughter's social worker. They were waiting on some out of state home studies to be completed for some of her paternal family members. That state decided to discontinue assessing said relatives and closed the case. That was the final hurdle in our daughter's case.

The adoption is now cleared for finalization and will be completed in October! She will legally be our daughter in a couple short months! We are extremely excited and can't wait to make everything official. Our love for her won't change at all with the adoption being finalized. We have loved her like she was our biological child since the day we brought her home. Just as we have with her brother. She already calls us mama and daddy so that won't change.

What will change is that our Facebook friends will be inundated with pictures of our beautiful daughter. We have wanted to post pictures the whole time but are not allowed to do so. Her name will change. Yep, there will be another Sharp running around out there.

And so goes our evolution. The Sharp Evolution. Talk to you all soon...ish.

Sister Act

"Change in all things is sweet." ~ Aristotle

Last Tuesday, I got a personal call at work. It was Ashley. She asked if I could talk for a minute and I immediately thought something was wrong. I asked if I could call her back because I was with a customer. As soon as I was done I rushed outside to call her.

Ash said she got a phone call from our daughter's social worker. The social worker told her that our daughter's bio mom had given birth to a baby boy on February 5 and they wanted to know if we were interested in fostering with potential adoption. We, of course, said yes and they set up a meeting for the next day to discuss placement. At the end of the meeting, which was attended by various people involved in both kids' cases, it was decided that baby boy would be placed with us!

Our house was only licensed for one foster child at that point so we had to set up a visit for an annual inspection and capacity change. That was set up for yesterday and capacity change was granted. Once we were licensed for two foster kids, Ash called baby boy's social worker to arrange a transfer from his satellite home to our home. Yesterday at 4:30 we met him, signed the paperwork and brought him home!

That's right! Our little girl is now a big sister! And she's great at it! She likes to kiss him and pat him and rub his head. The little guy is very cute and very little. He is two weeks old now and weighs 6 pounds, 14 ounces. He's about 20" long. That's a big change from when we brought our little girl home. She was already 10 months old. We didn't have to swaddle her or burp her or even hold her bottle while she ate. It's all new and all awesome!

So yeah, we went from having no kids to having two under two in less than eight months. To make things even crazier, we got permission to take them both out of state for an upcoming vacation we had planned. Two babies on a plane. I can almost guarantee that if our flight isn't full nobody will be sitting in that third seat.

Our little family is evolving faster than we expected and we couldn't be happier!

New Year's Evolution

Hello, readers. Sorry for the long delay between posts. Our New Year's resolution is to get better at keeping you all up to date on the Sharp Evolution. Speaking of the new year, we hope you all enjoyed your holidays. Anyway, enough with the chit chat. There's a lot to catch you up on, so let's get started.

As you already know, our little girl has been living with us since July 1. Ash immediately took some time off to bond and I was able to take some, as well. At the end of August, we threw her her first birthday party. It was such an amazing day. She had a great time with everyone who showed up and destroyed the smash cake Ashley made for her. She probably ate 2/3 of the thing. Yep, that's my kid. Cake...the greatest food ever invented.

When I returned to work in mid-October, we enrolled the kiddo in daycare. We thought she might be a little timid but she went in there and said bye to me like a champ. Of course, shortly after she started daycare, she got a cold. We expected this, though, as it's actually pretty common. She has her days when she cries when we drop her off, but she's usually excited to go play with her friends.

In our last update I mentioned that the Termination Of Parental Rights hearing was being sent to trial because both biological parents contested the termination. The trial was set for the end of October, but was delayed again. This time until the middle of December. On the advice of the baby's social worker, we hadn't been attending any of the court proceedings. Ash and I talked about possibly attending the trial in December and decided it would be a good idea.

On December 18th we went to the courthouse and found the area we needed to be in. We nervously sat on a bench while we waited for our case to be called. Once the case was called, we made our way in to the courtroom and sat in the gallery to watch the trial. It was short. The bio dad was there, but no bio mom. The judge went through the necessary procedures and then explained that, at this point, there has been nothing done by the bio parents to warrant them keeping their parental rights. PARENTAL RIGHTS WERE OFFICIALLY AND LEGALLY TERMINATED!!!

Ash and I were both fighting tears in the courtroom. I also tend to laugh when I get emotional so I was literally biting my tongue to keep from doing so while the judge was delivering his ruling. Outside of the courtroom, while speaking with the baby's social worker and attorney, we couldn't hold it in anymore. We were just so elated that one of the final obstacles was out of the way. It was such a great feeling! I can't even begin to describe it.

There is now a short period of time during which the bio parents can appeal the ruling. We have been told not to worry about that though, so we aren't. Once that time period passes, we will begin the final stage of the adoption process!

Let's fast forward a few days. To December 24th. Our first Christmas Eve with a child. This is the day my family has their get together. We got there a little after 6 p.m. and everyone was excited to have the new addition there for the party. We have an awesome tradition of opening presents at midnight. Ash and I decided that we'd try to wake the kid up at gift time since her normal bedtime is 8. We didn't have to do that. She somehow managed to stay up the entire time. She was having a lot of fun running around being the center of attention. We said our goodbyes after gifts and thought she would fall asleep in the car. Wrong! She ended up going to bed around 1 a.m.

Christmas morning, we always head to Ash's parents house for gifts with them and her sister. We usually try to get there by 8 but the baby didn't wake up until then. She was worn out from the night before. So we got her out of her crib and took her into the living room to see what Santa left for her. She was groggy at first and still doesn't understand the concept of Santa so it took a minute to see what we were waiting for.

Once she saw the rocking pony, Sophia the First chair and giant stuffed animals under the tree, her face lit up in pure joy. It was the greatest thing I've ever seen. She has a cute little smirk that she breaks out before the full smile hits and it makes it even better. We headed over to see Grammy, Pa and Auntie and she got to tear into a lot more presents. We spent Christmas day with Ash's family and my mom and her fiancé. The kidlet got to spend the spend the day with the people who love her most and we all had a wonderful day. To be honest, it was the best Christmas of my life.

So now, as we wait for the next step, we begin a new year with the same goal in mind. To adopt this beautiful little girl and continue to give her a life full of love, happiness and stability. And to continue the Sharp Evolution.

Pause...

So, the termination of parental rights hearing was this morning. We were hoping for a quick process but we hit a little snag. Both biological parents have contested the termination.

"What does that mean?" you ask. It means there will be a trial so they can each plead their case. They have to prove that they are able to take care of themselves and the baby. 

We aren't too concerned, though. It's just a minor delay. The trial is set for the end of October. For now, we just continue loving her and giving her a great home and family.

Walkin' Tall

Hello, reader people. It's been a while since our last post. On July 1, the baby moved in with us and we officially became her foster parents. We have been extremely busy with the little one and we are loving every minute of it. She is a bundle of joy and the most entertaining person I've met.

A couple weeks later, we had a "Welcome To The Family" party for her. A lot of people showed up to meet her. As always, she was happy to let anyone and everyone hold her. She is great around large groups of people, which is good because we both have pretty large families. Ashley, our moms and a few others did a great job planning and setting up this party. It truly was an awesome day!

Since then, we have seen her learn quite a few new things. She says a few words, like mama and dada. Cat and dog. She also says cup and has been trying to say bite. The other day, the dog sneezed and she decided it would be fun to mimic her and faked a sneeze of her own. Complete with the head nod and "Chhhh" sound. She now does it when anyone sneezes and, at times, for no reason at all. We have also started fake sneezing just so she'll do it. It is one of the funniest things I've seen. She loves to play and laugh and really only cries when she's tired.

Most parents we talk to ask how she sleeps. To which I have to fight the urge to say "laying down" or "with her eyes closed." Yes, I know, smart aleck-ness is my friend. Seriously though, she's a really good sleeper. She's usually asleep by 9 or 9:30 and sleeps through the night. Most mornings she's up by 7, but occasionally gives us a little extra shut eye and stays asleep until 8. She also naps twice a day.

The biggest new development is that she took her first steps a couple weeks ago. Until this week she wouldn't take more than a few steps at a time and she wouldn't do that very often. Now she is getting more brave and trying to walk more. Soon she will be running and I can't wait!

These next two weeks are going to be crazy. Wednesday is going to test our nerves. The termination of parental rights hearing is happening then. Luckily it's in the morning so we won't have to wait all day to get a call from her social worker. We understand that the court could issue a continuance or they could terminate parental rights. Of course, we want the latter but are prepared for either outcome. We think. There is also the possibility of someone else in the biological family trying to get custody, but it's pretty late in the game to be stepping up. We are praying that the court realizes that she has already bonded with us and has a good, happy home here. It is indescribable how much we love her already. She physically looks like she could be our child and she has many of the same characteristics and mannerisms that we do. We really feel like she was meant to be part of our family.

Her first birthday is coming up in a couple weeks too. We (mostly Ash) are planning her party and getting more excited (both of us) by the day. Ashley has come up with a great theme and lots of good ideas. It's going to be amazing!

So that's the latest chapter in the Sharp Evolution. We will get better at updating more frequently. Thanks for reading. Until next time...

Homecoming

As we sit on a plane headed back to California, I thought we should update you on the baby situation. We started getting visits with her shortly after Ashley penned our first post. She is an adorable bundle of joy. She is always happy and takes to new people well. We found this out by bombarding her with her new grandparents and aunt on our first all-day visit. She'll stare at you for a minute but then she's all smiles and love.

When we were matched, we already had a trip planned to Texas to see my sister and her family. We asked if we could take the baby with us, but since the vacation was so close, we weren't able to do so. Apparently it takes about a month to get a court order to take a foster child out of state. So we agreed on a visitation schedule with her social worker and foster mom. We had a few visits, including an impromptu overnight. She was great for us every time and we fell deeper in love with her. 

About a week before we left, Ashley got a call from the baby's social worker saying we can sign paperwork to become her foster parents and bring her home shortly after our vacation.

So we set it up to have some time with her on the night before we left and took her out to dinner. After dinner we set up post-vacation/pre-homecoming visitation. It was difficult knowing we wouldn't see her again for a week, but we knew it was good to take that final baby-free vacation. Ashley dubbed it our "Babymoon."

We had a great time in Texas and bought the baby a bunch of stuff. So much stuff that we had to borrow a duffel bag from my sister so we didn't have to pay fees for an overweight checked bag.

So now, as we fly over some mountains and farms, I'm anxious to get home. We have another visit tomorrow and we can't wait to give the baby her new toys and clothes. And a bunch of hugs and kisses. Then we will have a few more visits, including an entire weekend. 

I guess y'all (yeah, I just spent a week in Texas) want to know when we get to bring her home. Ashley said we were hoping to have her home by the end of June. Unfortunately that's not going to happen. Instead, we have to wait. But we don't wanna wait! We can't wait! Can't wait to welcome her into our home. On July 1st we're going to smother her with love and affection and give her something every child, every person really, needs and deserves. A sense of family. A sense of belonging. 

The Evolution Begins

Since our wedding in July 2008, Jason and I have been trying to add to our family. We have struggled with infertility and the price tag that comes with getting treatment. One first time guest at my parents annual Super Bowl party in 2012, planted a seed in our heads. She told us how her son and daughter in law we're adopting through the foster care program in their county. She told us a little bit about how the process worked. But after that night, I sort of forgot all about it. Being a foster parent was something I never thought I could do. Bringing a child into my home, falling in love with them and then to have to give him or her back to their "real" parents was something I felt my heart couldn't take. 

Fast forward to mid April-an article appeared in our local paper about a Foster Family Agency (FFA) looking for foster parents that are willing to adopt. A term they called "concurrent planning." I posted a link to the article on Facebook with a quote that said "I hope we can go to this!" This was the first my husband had heard of this plan of mine...and he found out from Facebook. Needless to say he was a little confused. I wasn't thinking about that when I did it, I was just thinking how much we wanted a child and I wanted to see what this program was all about. 

We went to the orientation in May and then decided foster to adopt was the route we wanted to go to build our family.  We went to our first training but no body seemed to be able to answer any of our questions regarding the process. Then, while we were waiting for the next training the following month, we received a voicemail from the "trainer" asking us to attend the training we had already been to. Not only that, she called me by another name. I called her back and left a voicemail that we had already been to the training she called us about and that in her voicemail she called me by the wrong name so I wanted to make sure she had us down properly in her log. I didn't hear back from the FFA for over a month. By that time, Jason and I were concerned with even moving forward with them. If they couldn't keep track of us now, what was it going to be like when we had a child placed with us? 

Although that particular FFA was not one we felt comfortable with, we decided to pursue the process anyway. We decided to go straight to the source; our county's Human Services Agency. In September we went to the county orientation. They were able to answer many questions we had and referred us to their contracted adoption agency to start our home study. Between October and March, we had three home study interviews with our adoption social worker. She interviewed us individually and as a couple. And for five weeks between March and April, we had to attend 30 hours of training at the local community college. A few more weeks of waiting for the home study to be completed and then creating our family book was all that was standing between us and one of the happiest days of our lives.

That first Tuesday "matching meeting" (this is where our adoption social worker meets with the county social workers and they talk about the available children and try to find a match between them and prospective adoptive parents) rolled around and there was no phone call from our social worker. We were not surprised by this as it was only the first one. Still, neither one of us could sleep that night. We prayed that it wouldn't be long before we got that call that would forever change our lives.

Let me tell you, I love my sleep and was grumpy the next morning because I hadn't slept well in two days. I was too anxious & excited to sleep. The day after the matching meeting, the morning at work passed slowly and, as I was eating my lunch at my desk, I see our social workers number pop up on my cell phone. I though "oh my God, oh my God!! Could this be it?" I answered the call warily; our social worker spoke and I almost couldn't believe what I was hearing. The county had already found a match for us! In one day?! Could this really be happening? Oh yes it could, and yes it was. I wrote down all the details about the little one as I could and once I hung up, I feverishly text my husband to call me as soon as possible. He was at work and I didn't know how long it would take him to get my text so I decided to just call him at the store. When I told him we were matched with an 8.5 month old little girl, his voice broke as he spoke to me. I don't remember what he said, I couldn't even think clearly. I was overwhelmed with joy that we would soon be welcoming into our home and hearts a little girl. 

May 29, 2013 we got to hold our baby girl for the first time. Overcome with emotion as I held her, I broke down in tears. I watched my husbands face light up when holding his daughter for the first time. There really are no words to describe the way we felt. Unfortunately, because of the way the foster program works we were unable to take her home with us that day. Next up is visits with her so she gets used to being around us. A few hours long visits, a day, an overnight and a weekend visit. We hope to have her home by the end of June. From the beginning of the process working with our county to the goal date of having her home with us, it will be approximately 9.5 months. It's sort of like we are giving birth to a ten month old! 

Jason and I cannot wait to get her home and update our readers, families and friends. We can't thank you enough for all the love, support and encouragement you have given us during this process. We are truly blessed. Until next time...