Missing Link

So, the main reason for this post is to update you all on our son's case, but so much more has happened since then that I'll start with all that. 

The baby girl we brought home stayed with us for six months and then she was placed with her maternal grandmother. She has the sweetest smile in the world and we miss her sweet face. We were hoping it would become an adoption case but it wasn't meant to be.

We took in a two year old girl for a few hours. Yes, a few hours. We had a newborn boy for 3 days. We also brought home a pair of siblings and they stayed here for 5 days. That's what we opened our license for and we love doing what we do.

Right now we have a two and a half year old girl who has been with us for a little over a month. She had a hard time adjusting but has really been getting more comfortable with us lately. She and Kennedy play a lot and share well for the most part. We aren't sure how long she'll be here but we are just trying to make sure she gets the love and care she needs until a permanent placement is decided upon. Last week we brought home a two week old little girl. She was born six weeks early and only weighs 4 and a half pounds. She's already eating more than when we brought her home.

Alright, on to our boy. On our last post, I told you that the judge had delayed reunification with bio mom for ten weeks. He did so because her court ordered therapist had recommended ten more weekly sessions because there were some major issues and she thought bio mom "wasn't ready to be a full time parent." So we went back to court ten weeks later and were told that bio mom hadn't even completed five of the ten sessions. So CPS did what any organization that protects kids would do. They decided to reunify anyway. As I'm sure you can imagine, we were heartbroken. We still are. Court was on a Thursday but they were nice enough to give us until Saturday evening to give him back. So I took the next couple days off and we spent that time as a family, having as much fun as possible, even through the tears.

That Saturday we had a going away party at Chuck E. Cheese. Family and friends came out to have a good final memory with our little buddy. When I say final memory, it's just in reference to him being with us on a day to day basis. We were sure bio mom would let us visit because she said she would. And she did. At first.

We were getting to visit with him pretty regularly but then it started to be every couple weeks. He was actually spending about five days and nights a week with his bio dad's cousin. Bio mom was getting her welfare check and that's all that mattered. He was able to be at Kennedy's birthday party in late August, which was awesome. Then we didn't see him for a couple weeks.

In mid September we arranged for him to come visit on a Friday and stay until Saturday evening. When he arrived at our house he had scrapes across his nose, bruises up and down his legs, his ear was red and looked swollen, he had a rash on his belly, and he had diaper rash so bad it was crusty and blistered. Ash put diaper cream on it and it immediately started getting better. These are all signs of neglect and/or abuse. As foster parents, we are mandated reporters so we called CPS to have them come out and take a look at the poor kid.

To be honest, even if we weren't mandated reporters, we would have called. Anyone with a conscience and a heart would have called. A couple bruises or scrapes are normal for a kid but this was excessive. CPS said there wasn't enough to take him but that they'd go talk to bio mom. Later that evening we got a text from bio dad's cousin stating that bio mom wanted buddy back immediately because we called CPS on her. We took him back with the thought that we'd probably never see him again. 

We continued to try to get visits with him but bio mom just kept saying no. She said "I don't need nobody calling CPS on me." She also told us it was our fault that we'd never see him again. If you're not doing anything wrong, why would you worry about CPS? 

When it became clear we wouldn't be getting any more visitation, Ash contacted a family law attorney to see if we had any options. Turns out we did. Since there was still a family court case for bio mom, we could file a joinder to become a part of the case and request visitation. All of the information we found and were given told us we had to file the joinder first. If that's approved we can file for court ordered visitation. So that's what we did. 

We filed the paperwork for the joinder on the grounds that buddy has an established bond with his sister, us, and our families. When we filed that paperwork they gave us a court date. It was today.

So we went to court today. It was presided over by a commissioner. Ash and I were there to represent ourselves. Bio mom was there with her program counselor, bio dad's cousin and bio dad's cousin's fiancé. We said our piece, bio mom objected to us being made part of the case. Her argument was that Buddy is doing good with her and that it's confusing to him because he calls us mom and dad and she's his mom. The commissioner sternly reminded her that it's his right to have a relationship with us and his sister. She asked her if there was any reason not to allow the joinder. Bio mom reiterated that he's good and it's confusing. She was told that that's not enough and asked again if there were any reasons not to allow it. She sighed and quietly said no. A defeated no. The commissioner granted our request!!! We won round one!!! The next step is to file a request for visitation. Which we will be doing this week! The only down side to today is that the commissioner told us we could have filed for both at the same time. So it'll take a little longer to get it done but it doesn't matter. We will not stop fighting to have this precious boy in his sister's life and in ours!

There you go. You're all caught up. Feel free to share, comment, post or tweet. If this can help other foster parents in similar situations, we're all for it! Until next time, be ever evolving.

Ever Evolving

Hey there! It's been a minute since our last post. Ok, maybe 5. Ashley and I decided we would open our home, and license, to include one more child. That way we could do short to long term fostering in cases where the courts are trying to get cases figured out. We did not do this with the sole intention to adopt, rather to help more children by having them in our loving, caring home as long as they need to be. Whether that's for a week, a month, a year or a lifetime.

Well, earlier this month we received a call about a little that needed a home. Last week we picked up a beautiful 2-week-old bundle of joy. And hair. Man, this kid has a lot of hair.

We have no idea what the outcome will be or how long she will be with us, but that doesn't matter. We are going to love her like we made her and give her the best life we can while she's here.

That's it for now. Thanks for being part of our Evolution.

Super Evolved

Things have been crazy around here the last several months and we haven't had the time or energy to write. For that, we apologize. We will make up for it now, with this super long post.

When we left off, we had told you that the date was set for our little girl's adoption. It went off without a hitch, mostly, and she has legally been our daughter since October 27th. I say mostly because she was crying when we tried to take pictures after the ceremony.

Everything has been great with her since day one. She is such an amazing little girl. She still makes me laugh every day and has a huge heart. She really is the sweetest little girl I've ever seen.

Her vocabulary continues to grow and, as it does, so does her desire to talk. So she does. Constantly. Seriously though, we love that she continues to absorb words and information. She is memorizing song lyrics from the radio now and will sing along from her car seat. We recently moved her to a big girl bed and she stays in bed every night. The only thing we are struggling with is potty training. If you want to follow her adorable journey through life, you can search #KJSharp on a variety of social media sites.

Now for our baby boy. I call him baby boy because he just turned one a couple months ago, but he's a hulk of a child.  He weighs a healthy 26 lbs and is almost as tall as his sister. His feet are wide so finding shoes is difficult and his head is almost big enough to wear my gigantic hats. Not really, but it is the 99th percentile. 

Like his sister, he is very smart and has an ever-expanding vocabulary. He is really a younger, male version of her. They can run around and play together all day. "Sissy" makes him food in her play kitchen then feeds it to him. They "tackle" each other and roll around on the floor laughing. Neither of them has an issue sharing toys, drinks or food with the other.

"Buddy" does have a medical issue though. It's nothing major and doesn't hurt him but it is a big nuisance. For all of us. I won't bore you with all the medical jargon but he basically has a group of blood vessels on his scalp that  will rupture and bleed profusely. We were finally able to get him in to see a dermatologist at UCSF this week and found out it has to be removed by a plastic surgeon. So now we just have to wait for them to call us and then we have to get a court order to have the procedure done. It's an outpatient procedure so no hospital stay will be required but since he's a foster child we still have to wait for the court order. The only things that bother little man are us cleaning him up and him having to wear band aids or dressing on his head.

As far as the status of his permanent placement goes, that's an even bigger mess. When we were asked if we would take him into our home, we immediately said yes. Bio mom was being offered reunification services and we took him in while she went to rehab and tried to get her life straight. With her track record, we didn't think she'd be able to stay clean. She has now been drug free for over a year and is really trying to get him back. While Ash and I are proud of her and her ability to stay clean for this long, she is really still not in a position, nor does she have any idea what it takes, to raise a child. 

We were told by the social worker that she is doing "enough" to get him back. She is living in a homeless shelter and is basically unemployable. That's "enough."

We went to court last week for what we expected to be the day they decided to reunify. However, we have learned that she was taking him around people he's not supposed to be around. The attorney for CPS has also learned of some issues she has and decisions she's made that he and the judge deemed serious enough to continue the case for ten more weeks. Unfortunately, since the case is open we can't go into too much detail, but we can tell you that we will do whatever we can to make sure that the outcome is in the best interest of this child. Sometimes it feels like we're the only ones looking out for him. We got into fostering to help children in any way we can. We will continue to do so. Even if that means fighting to get laws changed.

So the super update is done. Now you just have to wait a few months until the next post. Or a few minutes...